Exactly 20 months ago I left my life behind with my 12 year old teenage boy. Didnt know what Allah (stw) has planed for us, how hard & difficult our life will become! There were so many ups and downs , still got up every morning and hoping today is the day all will be ok. It’s been 20 months but still all  is not ok…! 

Life has taught us so many new things, realised closed one’s real faces, never to expect anything from anyone. There are so many different kind of people in this world that I didn’t even met before. Some faces that I grow to love in time, some I learned to hate for my hearts peace.

I truely thought I will never have to act anymore, I can be just myself. But the truth is, I can never be myself, no one will ever understand me, my heart will always be empty..! 

My son is my rock, every time I feel lost, tired, become restless & want to give up I just look at my son and say ‘because of him you have to go on, you have to finish what you have started ”

For the last 20 months so many people had been saying the same thing over and over again, that I have to move on ! But if moving on was that easy life would have been so easy! 15 years is a decade , specially when you have too much bad memories then good ! The person who you were trying to please all this years , he is the one who hurt you the most. Good memories is easy to forget but the bad ones are the ones make your heart black. It’s like I have cancer in my heart, eating away all the goods, leaving behind the poison. I definitely need the chemo therapy to find light in my heart..! 

  

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