She (2)

She has a strange feeling of emptiness inside her,
Which is making her heart

weaker by seconds.

In the battle of her own true freedom,

She has been learning a lot

about fake verses real.

She will finally be able to learn through new faces that,

How much selfish she has to become to get that happy existence!

Although she knows surely there

is a eternal life awaits,

Still she is trying stubbornly as if

she has a lot of things to prove.

Going through her new journey millions of stones had been

thrown by her Own,

or they just act like her Own…!

And every time she get up, put bandages around her soul and keep

Walking with that biggest smile

you had ever seen.

It’s been long fifteen months she

had been fighting with all she got,

Still at the end of the day everyone makes her feel like it’s not that much at all…..

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Finally

It took me long 15 years to come back to school after finishing high school. There was a time I thought this day will never come. But it’s been almost a year I m attending school in Graphic Design and this semister I m getting the presidential scholarship. And sadly no loved one will be there with me . But it’s ok, Allah was kind enough to help me go through those sleepless nights and horribly long comute & I did all the hard work so I will be happy & proud of myself . Atleast for a little while. Because I know it was not easy at all. Specially in NY city in a art school. So this Monday will be my day, can’t be broken up inside thinking I will have no one besides me.

 Although I know my president will be soo happy to be able to give me the award with her own hands . From the start when I got the honors award, then deans honor roll,she keeps saying Rezwana I want to give the award  to you with my own hands! I keep saying one day mam.

So finally one person will be proud of me .Cant wait for the Monday afternoon to arrive …

She

She tries so hard to cover her weaknesses,

But isn’t it so ovious when you see her walking by with those too tired foot of hers!

She acts so damn well being very happy,

But isn’t it too easy to see when she gives you that fake smile of hers!

She fights every single moment to hide all of her pains,

But isn’t it clear like a reflection when you look at her big black eyes!

She tries to forget her past all day long,

But after knowing her story you will learn that it is quite impossible to forget that crazy past of hers!

She is living her life infront of all of your eyes like a normal human being,

But belive in your heart that,very few people actually have it in them to go through the path she is walking on…

I will..

You can go away at my good times or bad, just leave me all alone.

Don’t you ever call me back.

Trying to forget all the neglects    and you.

I will leave soon, why do you          think I am only yours.

I will not come back nor I will love you anymore.

I will leave soon, just think I am here no more.
I am not being sentimental nor       am I complaining,

Those are my unspoken words,      from my very broken soul.

You can go away at my good            times or bad ,

Just leave me all alone, Don’t you ever call me back.
How long you can just keep    ignoring all of my feelings ,

Acting like I just don’t exist.

With the saddest smile, and all               of my failures;

I am going away, don’t you                 again call me back.

I will not come back nor I will be able to love you again ..

Young genaration

I want to say something to the new generation of our country, some will hate me for this but I need to say this.This days I see almost everyone wants to come abroad, no one wants to stay back home. whatever I m gonna say all of u will say, oh u don’t live here , don’t know how hard it is, how bad it is.U r leaving abroad , u don’t know how we live here.everywehere is corruption,bad politics, too much jam,poverty!! Blab bla bla..So??? 

Let me clear something, I never ever wanted to leave my country, everyone knows it.But Allah had different plans for me, if I could I will just fly right now go back home. I had been listening all the complains over & over again, but no solutions.Why u all r in in schools collages universities for? So u can use our money finish education then use the knowledge to make better other countries? What about your own country? If all the young people leave the country and go abroad and waste their brain for other countries. Then what u expect from your own country ? Whoever is running the country they r all old, back minded , with narrow thinking. But u kids have much bigger heart and much broader minds. Isn’t it your responsibility to make it better for those people who r living back home? Every time life kicks u hard if u start running abroad, then let me tell u something. I should have been running around the whole world in 30 years!!

So please, I know every case is different. But if u have 50% good in your life, then stay in your own country, with your loved ones & come up with solutions how to make our country better. instead of run away from all the negativities . 

My country Bangladesh is not that bad, it’s the only country in the world who went to war with Pakistan just to have the right to speak in their mother tongue , and we lost a lot of brilliant, brave & courageous souls in 9 moths of war, we even lost our Father of the nation with his whole family. Lots of our mothers sisters daughters were dishonored and died! All the souls were lost for nothing , so don’t let all the sacrifices become a total waste, get up and make it better together as a Family…

Really..!!

Some days I soo hate when people are racist to me just because I m a Muslim. Waiting for a bus for the last 40 min , it’s fridging outside. The bus comes , and I got inside the bus & about to pay. The bus driver says u can’t get inside the bus, I said what? He says you can’t get inside my bus!! So it’s me so tired on my way going back home after a very long day, don’t even have a jacket on me, have all this groceries on my hands came out from the bus! No I didn’t write down the number of the bus, what’s the point! It’s been happening to us Muslims for more then a decade now..!

Now have to wait another 30 min for the next bus, and it’s another 40 min bus ride to go home, I have to get up at 4 am tomorrow !!

Never

U never wanted to understand my heart,

Those restless days and nights I had

spent only thinking of you.

Those unspoken words that

I had never said to you.

All the pains & sufferings I had

been going through .

All of my unseen tears & the out of

control feelings I had only for you.

U never wanted to understand my heart,

Maybe all of the mistakes were only mine,

I failed to prove to you that my love is so true .

U never wanted to understand what

my eyes had spoken.

U even never felt how quite I finally become.

At the end I finally realized that u actually never had any intention to understand me at all..

If I..

If I truly love u unknowingly,

If I come close to u by mistakenly.

If I disappointed you so horribly,

Then let me start repenting my sins,

let me just burn in my own miseries.

One day this life will leave my body,

and death will soon be upon me.

All the broken dreams in my heart

Will just die within me.

From now on my lips will

not say a word,

My hands will not write a

single line.

Let me live my life all alone and

Finished all of my unfinished poems…
If I truly love u unknowingly,

If I come close to u by mistakenly,

If I disappointed you so horribly,

Then let me start repenting my sins,

let me just burn in my memories with you…

Rain of Autumn

Rain of Autumn

Oh heavy rain of autumn,I m so glad u finally decided to come.

I need u to sweep away all of my sins,

I so want u to erase all of my pains.

All the colors you are bringing with you,

I truly needed to get my present moments painted by you.
Oh heavy rain of autumn,

I m so glad you finally decided to come.

No matter how hard I tried,

Nothing is just good enough for anyone.

I have too much darkness surrounding me,

Will you please change it to the grace of light.

I so need you to make me forget

All my hopes and dreams.

Because it’s time for me,

to leave behind my foolish heart

and just start living  modernly..

  
তোমার না বলার নীরবতায় বুনে চলেছি একাকী শত সহস্র স্বপ্নের সমাহার,তোমারি দেয়া অজস্র অবহেলায় নিজেই আবার ভেজ্ঞে চলেছি ভালবাসায় গড়া আমারি স্বপ্নিল সমাহার।

ভাজ্ঞা আর গরার অজস্র সকাল সন্ধাগুলো,

ক্লান্তিতে ভরিয়ে দিয়ে যায় আমার মন মস্তিৰকের সকল অনুভুতিগুলো।